Nik and I decided we would get a few people together, Irma, my mom and her husband and I decided to invite my cousin Tammy, who is more like a sister than a cousin and of course the kiddos were there. The congregating began around three over much food and many albums of baby pictures and pictures of us growing up. Believe it or not my mom still had them in the same albums that they were in when I was a kid, so looking through the albums were a pure joy and sharing them with Nik and his mom was awesome. The kitchen was filled with the sound of laughter, fond memories and the occasional snort. Facial muscles were aching from laughing so much at the pictures.
I had told Nik that I wore boots even with track suits when I was a kid, most of the time accompanied with a gun holster and a cowboy hat. There were pictures of it in the albums which we had a good laugh about. Pictures of me with stitches in my brow as I was rough and tumble, growing up with boys mostly. Proclaiming at age three that I was no longer going to wear frilly panties or socks because they made my pants bunch out, my wardrobe quickly changed to tube socks, chuck taylors or boots, track suits, overalls and of course my cowboy hat. I had not time for frills, I had trees to climb, bikes to ride and football to play.
There are pictures of he and his dad when Nik was a child. His smile was precious, a toothy grin that was spread from ear to ear. I told him I had seen that smile, now it wasn't over toys but power tools. We pulled out a few pictures to keep. We joked about how CPS would be called if anyone was caught riding their child on the handle bars of a bike like was displayed in one picture of him and his dad. Nik was always dressed in some sort of Army gear, tee shirt, or something that pertained to the Army. Nik's dad passed away about a year and a half ago, December 19, 2009. I only had the opportunity to visit with him a few times before he passed away. He always told me stories of Alaska, the snow and one story about the two of them getting stuck on the railroad track in the Bronco. He would laugh, when he would talk about it.
I thought it fitting to do a memorial for his dad and all our grandparents who have passed away. Their pictures will be placed on the mantle where the ceremony will be taking place. On the other mantle will be "The Story of Us" displaying our growing up and then our life together.
I am amazed at what a sense of family that was displayed in our kitchen on Sunday, it was the melding of the two, his and mine. It was as though we were finally viewed as adults, and not the children. It was a pivotal moment. It was a genuine display of support and love. It was a laying down of "my guard."
More time than not lately, I have been sad when things end as I am afraid that it won't be that way again. I enjoyed so much spending the day with both our mothers, our children and my cousin Tammy. I wasn't ready for them to leave. Sometimes in life I wish that I could suspend time, just linger there for a little longer, the happy times, the ones that memories are made of, lives are formed around and roots and wings are given.
As I am typing, tears are streaming down my cheeks as my heart is so full of happiness, fond memories and the sheer joy of knowing beyond the shadow of a doubt that I am LOVED. I now have permanent smile lines, which I am completely fine with. I am reminded of something Jennifer Garner said,
“Beauty comes from a life well lived. If you've lived well, your smile lines are in the right places, and your frown lines aren't too bad, what more do you need?”
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| That's the smile... |
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