Reflections and Reveals...

Reflection, not the one I see when I looking the mirror but the one that comes when thinking about the past, the present and the future.  Knowing full well I cannot and will not ever be able to reverse anything in the past but I can change the future or at least do what I can to help mold it.

I believe with my whole heart that everything happens for a reason, people walk into our lives at precisely the right moment and exit stage left in the same manner.  Who would have thought that I would be such the lucky girl who after watching the wedding planning come together as it has so very quickly as if all the elements were puzzle pieces cut to fit together perfectly, this sweet person would emerge that soon I will get to call my sister in law.

When she found out that we were getting married she immediately started to help me with the plans.  She helped me find the venue, which is absolutely perfect.  She went with me dress shopping and picked out my dress, that is perfect and not at all what I thought I would pick for myself.  She has helped with so many things, they are too numerous to list and for her I am truly grateful. She has been the buffer to resolve situations and she is the head of the "Bridal Secret Service." 

She has listened to me about concerns, we have discussed certain things on our front porch swing which is referred to as "Vegas" meaning speak freely it goes no further.  We have shared bottles of wine, wondering if we could make it to World Market before it closed or if 256-togo would deliver wine.  She also introduced me to Mojitos and we will be having a "for real" wine tasting in a couple weeks. 

There are regrets I have with our relationship.  I wish, though I know the past cannot be changed, that I would have given her a chance before now.  There was  a division of friends back a couple years ago where I was hurt tremendously, so I walled up and was not letting anyone in to hurt me again.  That was truly my loss and for that I owe her an apology.  The only solution is to move forward. Thank goodness for second chances because honestly without her support over the last few months, planning and certain situations would not have been ironed out so smoothly.

After discussing with Nik, I have the privilege of having her stand up with me as my Matron of Honor on our wedding day.  I cannot imagine anyone else helping me get ready, supporting me on that day, and sharing these memories that we will be making. 

I am so lucky, not only am I marrying my best friend, I am getting a sister in law and friend, Ily.

Bride-to-Be but still an Athlete...

Being that today is Saturday, the vast population knows that I run, every Saturday, a long distance because I need to.  My running, well it saves the world, as that is how I blow off steam and clear my head.  It is my two hour to four hour long session of therapy in dead silence.

Well today, I admit that I overdid it to say the least.  I ran twelve miles with Lori and then got some water and took off by myself exploring for another six miles.  Some of those last miles were on sand, up steep inclines that I had not explored until today.  I don't know what came over me but I just needed to go into uncharted territory for a moment.  When I say sandy incline, I could have repelled down the thing. I almost had to get on my hands and knees to get back up the hill, it was torturous and yes I loved every second of it.  Finishing that hill, I felt like Rocky and was grinning all the way back down the other side.  So to say the least, it was an adventure. 

The adventure became a rude awakening when I started to think to myself that my idea of fun is pretty warped.  It doesn't change my idea of fun at all but it is what it is and that is warped.  I enjoy a challenge, pushing my self to the limit, full capacity, overload.  I am still searching for that thing that will be and I quote myself" so difficult that I never ever want to do it again."  So the search continues and while it does, I get to process information, deal with problems and work out my own aggressions, just me, the road and my Mizunos Wave Inspires.

So when I left out on my six mile trek alone after the twelve with Lori, my intention had just been to go and do a little hill work.  I saw the sand hills and could not resist.  After I finished torturing myself up there, I had the choice to make, half mile home or two miles home.  Rule of thumb for me, always take the scenic route, so two miles home it was.  The rolling hills of Miles road offer beautiful scenery, horses, passer, a couple ponds and the occasional snake.  

Over the past few years, two years to be exact, these roads in Elgin, have been my sanctuary.  Through running, I have dealt with deaths, getting up to run twenty miles before my grandma's funeral, my friend's murder, where I ran as hard as I could because I was so angry crying the whole time.  I have processed happy times, relived memories, dove into sheer happiness on the road and tapped into mental strength, focus and the determining factor of what I am made of.  There is a calming factor in the run, the endorphins maybe, but I think it's being empowered by knowing I can go further than I think, tapping into that which is way down deep, true grit, that is mine, I own it and the knowing that at the end I will be going home. 

It never fails, when I am about to begin the last three miles I think to myself, I am almost home.  The return home is always the best part, just like crossing the finish line somewhere, the people that love me most are waiting there for me.

Needless to say, though I don't write about it as much, I am still and will always be an athlete.  After the wedding and honeymoon is over, training at full capacity will begin again, then I will be a wife, mother and athlete.

Baby Pictures, Old Memories, but most importantly FAMILY....

As the wedding planning continues, holidays roll around which open doors to get together with family.  Calling around to get people to bring baby pictures of Nik and me so that we can make some sort of display at our wedding and a memorial to our grandparents and to his dad who recently passed away, brought out loads of pictures and fond memories for all involved.

Nik and I decided we would get a few people together, Irma, my mom and her husband and I decided to invite my cousin Tammy, who is more like a sister than a cousin and of course the kiddos were there.  The congregating began around three over much food and many albums of baby pictures and pictures of us growing up.  Believe it or not my mom still had them in the same albums that they were in when I was a kid, so looking through the albums were a pure joy and sharing them with Nik and his mom was awesome.  The kitchen was filled with the sound of laughter, fond memories and the occasional snort.  Facial muscles were aching from laughing so much at the pictures.

I had told Nik that I wore boots even with track suits when I was a kid, most of the time accompanied with a gun holster and a cowboy hat.  There were pictures of it in the albums which we had a good laugh about.  Pictures of me with stitches in my brow as I was rough and tumble, growing up with boys mostly.  Proclaiming at age three that I was no longer going to wear frilly panties or socks because they made my pants bunch out, my wardrobe quickly changed to tube socks, chuck taylors or boots, track suits, overalls and of course my cowboy hat.  I had not time for frills, I had trees to climb, bikes to ride and football to play.

There are pictures of he and his dad when Nik was a child.  His smile was precious, a toothy grin that was spread from ear to ear.  I told him I had seen that smile, now it wasn't over toys but power tools.  We pulled out a few pictures to keep.  We joked about how CPS would be called if anyone was caught riding their child on the handle bars of a bike like was displayed in one picture of him and his dad.  Nik was always dressed in some sort of Army gear, tee shirt, or something that pertained to the Army. 

Nik's dad passed away about a year and a half ago, December 19, 2009.  I only had the opportunity to visit with him a few times before he passed away.  He always told me stories of Alaska, the snow and one story about the two of them getting stuck on the railroad track in the Bronco.  He would laugh, when he would talk about it.

I thought it fitting to do a memorial for his dad and all our grandparents who have passed away.  Their pictures will be placed on the mantle where the ceremony will be taking place. On the other mantle will be "The Story of Us" displaying our growing up and then our life together. 

I am amazed at what a sense of family that was displayed in our kitchen on Sunday, it was the melding of the two, his and mine.  It was as though we were finally viewed as adults, and not the children.  It was a pivotal moment.  It was a genuine display of support and love.  It was a laying down of "my guard."

More time than not lately, I have been sad when things end as I am afraid that it won't be that way again.  I enjoyed so much spending the day with both our mothers, our children and my cousin Tammy. I wasn't ready for them to leave.  Sometimes in life I wish that I could suspend time, just linger there for a little longer, the happy times, the ones that memories are made of, lives are formed around and roots and wings are given. 

As I am typing, tears are streaming down my cheeks as my heart is so full of happiness, fond memories and the sheer joy of knowing beyond the shadow of a doubt that I am LOVED.  I now have permanent smile lines, which I am completely fine with.  I am reminded of something Jennifer Garner said,

“Beauty comes from a life well lived. If you've lived well, your smile lines are in the right places, and your frown lines aren't too bad, what more do you need?”

 

 



That's the smile...



Fairy Godmothers, Sisters and the rest of the Menagerie

It helps when I have my own personal Fairy Godmother and the rest of the menagerie...



What started as a small affair has blossomed into something that only I can imagine.  Clients, friends and many other people have come together to help bring our wedding day together for Nik and me. I know it will exceed my expectations.


I knew my clients and I were close and had crossed the line into friendship however I never imagined how much.  I have had so many of them surprise me with services that they offer, helping to finish pay off dresses, donating their time, above and beyond what they had to.  I have been shocked to find that they want to do it because they want to, not for any other reason, there is no hidden agenda, just out of the goodness of their hearts.  I have expressed to them that things they are doing are not necessary and the response I get is that I am special to their families....


In my profession, I go through so much with my clients.  Births, deaths, weddings, graduations, bad days, and many other of life's adventures.  I have been told that this is their way of giving back to me.  I never dreamed it would be on such a grand scale. I am so thankful for each of them for making my job a pleasure and for accepting me into their families as well.  When I come home and tell Nik about what else has been given to us on a daily basis he tells me it is because they love me.


Each of you know what I mean and exactly of whom I am speaking.  I will never be able to thank you enough.


A list follows:


Dress: Paid in full
Hannah's dress:  paid in full
Catering: check
Serving dishes: check
Wedding Planner: check
Punch: Check
Decorations: Check
Set up: Check
Custom Invitations: check
Customized Wording for invitations: check
Photographer: check
Officiant: check


A special thanks to Mary Ann, Amy, Irma, Ily, Lori, Debbie, Beverly, Natalie, Temple, Laura, David, Laura, Greg, Brian, Rebecca, Sharon and Cindy. 


Oh and I have a new nickname...Cindi, short for Cinderella thanks to Beverly. 

We waited on each other for 21 years....allow me to explain....

I'm 38, he's 34. 

During different conversations over the last few years, the both of us realized that our paths had crossed so many times over the course of 21 years!  Happenstance, I think not, perfect timing, you betcha!

To begin with our first time being in the same place at the same time was when a wrestling, excuse me, wrastling event came to the Township Auditorium.  Lex Luger, Rick Flair, The Rock n Roll Express were on the card that night. I was fourteen at the time and my mother had taken me and my sister to the event.  Would you believe that Nik, who was ten at the time, and his dad were there as well.  We made this discovery when some of the same wrestlers came to Blythewood High School and in talking he mentioned that he had attended the same event.  Small world....

Second time... Schiano's, he worked there, I shopped in the mall where it was, all the time.

Third time, while I was in beauty school, I discovered this restaurant, Thai Lotus.  The reason I ate there was because the buffet was first off cheap, contained sushi and was minutes from the school.  Eating lunch there everyday was inexpensive and usually while I ate I read so I never looked up from my book.  During those same years, Nik ate there at lunch, also reading.  Neither one of us would have noticed each other any way, we were too busy blocking out the world, reading and both eating alone.

Fourth time, while he was training at Thai Kingdom, which is off Garners Ferry Road, his trainer lived at Colonial Villa apartments.  Guess where I lived, Colonial Villa Apartments. He drove to the apartment complex everyday to pick up his trainer.

As many times as our paths have crossed, neither of us noticed the other until precisely the right time. 

Here's to the past, the present and our future together and to the world for being so small!

and then there was Princess Hannah...

So after being informed that Hannah had to have a facial, a pedicure, manicure,  her hair this way, and a tiara to go with her princess pink fluffy gown with high heels, get the picture, I had to let her know that I was who was getting married. 

Today we set out, Carolina Couture bound, to find her dress.  I had asked her what she envisioned wearing.  Her response...strapless, fluffy, floor length and of course pink.  Well when we were at the bridal store shopping for me last Saturday, I had seen a girl trying on, exactly what I thought Hannah would like.  Today when we went in, Sierra pulled the dress for her to try along with a few others.  I saw her face when she put the one I thought she would like on, it was the dress.  She tried on a few more, but liked the first one best of all. OF course we ordered it in pink, it will be here in fourteen weeks. 

Ily is letting her borrow her tiara for the wedding....Princess Hannah.

I think I am going to need a team to get her ready on wedding day...

Another thing checked off the list...moving right along!

On to dress shopping...with the FAB FOUR!

The venue having been secured and my own need to go and look for a dress actually turned out to be painless, believe it or not.  I expressed my trepidation and was on guard as my entourage and I entered Carolina Couture to start the search for the perfect dress.  Hmmm, well I think I want, I'm not sure, I never really had a wedding, I probably shouldn't wear this because and what about the tattoos, all these things were going through my mind, but I wanted to be open minded seeing as how I never had the chance to be able to shop for whatever I wanted before, ever.  So with Ily, Irma, Lori and Laura, the Fab Four, in tow, the adventure began, short and sweet and virtually painless.


Sierra was the "dress specialist" we, yes we, would be working with, the "Fab Four's" opinion matters a great deal to me, the Bride.  She wanted to know what I had in mind, my response, maybe short, probably not formal, maybe a color, however I am open to try on whatever you think would work.  So she said you all come this way where we were led to a "closet" full of gowns...straight, beaded, strapless, cap sleeved, white, ivory, poufy, mermaid style, anything that could be imagined.  I backed away and told them they could pick some our for me to try on.  Listen I was looking at a bunch of beaded fabric that, well, let's just say I wasn't in my element.  They were happy to, so Ily, Irma, Lori and Laura all waited until the first dress with me in it emerged from the dressing room. Then one after another I tried on dresses, some were too big so the "jumper cables" had to be put on the back so it wouldn't fall off.  I liked different things on each one, one was the top part, one the back, another the bottom, one the fabric, another the train, another the way it bustled.


The entourage of four said to me, that when I found exactly the right dress, I would know.  I said ok.  Then Ily came from the back "dress closet"  and said as I was changing out the last dress, "I found this one. It may be too poufy but it has everything you liked on the other dresses."  I told her I would try it on.  She helped me into this one, which had a seatbelt. :)  The dress, and I cannot divulge too much of a description because I have to keep it a secret from my future hubby, fit perfectly and when Ily and I came out of the dressing room, the expressions on all three remaining entourage members said it all.  It was and is perfect.  It fits like a glove, the length is even perfect, no alterations are needed.  I felt like a...hold on...forearm to forehead and repeat after me, "What is happening to me." ...a princess. 


I kept "the dress" on for about thirty minutes while the Fab Four and Sierra picked out jewelry, hair pieces, veils, shoes for me to try on.  We all had such a good time. I am so glad they came along with me, to make this a memorable event. 


While Ily was helping me get "the dress" on, I asked her if she would help me get ready on my wedding day.  She said she would love to.  My daughters and I will be getting ready at Ily's house for the wedding.  I am very thankful she is such an active part in helping plan our wedding.  She found the venue and picked out the dress and I loved them both.  Hopefully, someone gets a picture of Nik's face when I appear on our day, Sunday, October 23 at 4 in the afternoon.  We may need to station someone in the event he faints, just saying. He can thank his sister, he is going to be blown away.

Just so you know, everything I said I wanted before in a dress, out the window.  The Fab Four were right, when the dress is "the dress" you know.  When I came out the dressing room, with Ily.  I stepped up on the platform in front of the three way mirror, Ily holding my hand as shoes were being put on my feet, a hush fell, followed by a few ahhhs, then came the smiles. It was "THE DRESS".  Ily had single handedly found a dress that Sierra didn't even know was in the store, and it was perfect in every way.  I had transformed into Cinderella, it was a magical moment that compared in my mind to crossing the finish line in Ironman 70.3 San Juan.  A memory that will never be forgotten.  I am very thankful for Ily, my future sister in law.


Checklist:


Food:  Irma's Catering
Serving trays: variety of friends and clients
Venue:  Lake House @ Lake Carolina, tables, chairs and table clothes included
Dress:  Carolina Couture
Flowers: Kroger
Photographer:  Cindy Faulkenberry Photography
Cake:  Cupcake
Nail polish color:  Skull and Glossbones by OPI

All 8 DONE!!




Seriously all this planning took all of three hours, not just the dress, all of it.  Other than the drive thru weddings in Vegas, I think we have set the record for speed planning. 

Family wedding planning company in the future, hell no, could not deal with Bridezillas.

Side note:  Any idea how hard it is to keep this from Nik?  He is my bestest buddy...but it will be so worth it!