Bride-to-Be but still an Athlete...

Being that today is Saturday, the vast population knows that I run, every Saturday, a long distance because I need to.  My running, well it saves the world, as that is how I blow off steam and clear my head.  It is my two hour to four hour long session of therapy in dead silence.

Well today, I admit that I overdid it to say the least.  I ran twelve miles with Lori and then got some water and took off by myself exploring for another six miles.  Some of those last miles were on sand, up steep inclines that I had not explored until today.  I don't know what came over me but I just needed to go into uncharted territory for a moment.  When I say sandy incline, I could have repelled down the thing. I almost had to get on my hands and knees to get back up the hill, it was torturous and yes I loved every second of it.  Finishing that hill, I felt like Rocky and was grinning all the way back down the other side.  So to say the least, it was an adventure. 

The adventure became a rude awakening when I started to think to myself that my idea of fun is pretty warped.  It doesn't change my idea of fun at all but it is what it is and that is warped.  I enjoy a challenge, pushing my self to the limit, full capacity, overload.  I am still searching for that thing that will be and I quote myself" so difficult that I never ever want to do it again."  So the search continues and while it does, I get to process information, deal with problems and work out my own aggressions, just me, the road and my Mizunos Wave Inspires.

So when I left out on my six mile trek alone after the twelve with Lori, my intention had just been to go and do a little hill work.  I saw the sand hills and could not resist.  After I finished torturing myself up there, I had the choice to make, half mile home or two miles home.  Rule of thumb for me, always take the scenic route, so two miles home it was.  The rolling hills of Miles road offer beautiful scenery, horses, passer, a couple ponds and the occasional snake.  

Over the past few years, two years to be exact, these roads in Elgin, have been my sanctuary.  Through running, I have dealt with deaths, getting up to run twenty miles before my grandma's funeral, my friend's murder, where I ran as hard as I could because I was so angry crying the whole time.  I have processed happy times, relived memories, dove into sheer happiness on the road and tapped into mental strength, focus and the determining factor of what I am made of.  There is a calming factor in the run, the endorphins maybe, but I think it's being empowered by knowing I can go further than I think, tapping into that which is way down deep, true grit, that is mine, I own it and the knowing that at the end I will be going home. 

It never fails, when I am about to begin the last three miles I think to myself, I am almost home.  The return home is always the best part, just like crossing the finish line somewhere, the people that love me most are waiting there for me.

Needless to say, though I don't write about it as much, I am still and will always be an athlete.  After the wedding and honeymoon is over, training at full capacity will begin again, then I will be a wife, mother and athlete.

Baby Pictures, Old Memories, but most importantly FAMILY....

As the wedding planning continues, holidays roll around which open doors to get together with family.  Calling around to get people to bring baby pictures of Nik and me so that we can make some sort of display at our wedding and a memorial to our grandparents and to his dad who recently passed away, brought out loads of pictures and fond memories for all involved.

Nik and I decided we would get a few people together, Irma, my mom and her husband and I decided to invite my cousin Tammy, who is more like a sister than a cousin and of course the kiddos were there.  The congregating began around three over much food and many albums of baby pictures and pictures of us growing up.  Believe it or not my mom still had them in the same albums that they were in when I was a kid, so looking through the albums were a pure joy and sharing them with Nik and his mom was awesome.  The kitchen was filled with the sound of laughter, fond memories and the occasional snort.  Facial muscles were aching from laughing so much at the pictures.

I had told Nik that I wore boots even with track suits when I was a kid, most of the time accompanied with a gun holster and a cowboy hat.  There were pictures of it in the albums which we had a good laugh about.  Pictures of me with stitches in my brow as I was rough and tumble, growing up with boys mostly.  Proclaiming at age three that I was no longer going to wear frilly panties or socks because they made my pants bunch out, my wardrobe quickly changed to tube socks, chuck taylors or boots, track suits, overalls and of course my cowboy hat.  I had not time for frills, I had trees to climb, bikes to ride and football to play.

There are pictures of he and his dad when Nik was a child.  His smile was precious, a toothy grin that was spread from ear to ear.  I told him I had seen that smile, now it wasn't over toys but power tools.  We pulled out a few pictures to keep.  We joked about how CPS would be called if anyone was caught riding their child on the handle bars of a bike like was displayed in one picture of him and his dad.  Nik was always dressed in some sort of Army gear, tee shirt, or something that pertained to the Army. 

Nik's dad passed away about a year and a half ago, December 19, 2009.  I only had the opportunity to visit with him a few times before he passed away.  He always told me stories of Alaska, the snow and one story about the two of them getting stuck on the railroad track in the Bronco.  He would laugh, when he would talk about it.

I thought it fitting to do a memorial for his dad and all our grandparents who have passed away.  Their pictures will be placed on the mantle where the ceremony will be taking place. On the other mantle will be "The Story of Us" displaying our growing up and then our life together. 

I am amazed at what a sense of family that was displayed in our kitchen on Sunday, it was the melding of the two, his and mine.  It was as though we were finally viewed as adults, and not the children.  It was a pivotal moment.  It was a genuine display of support and love.  It was a laying down of "my guard."

More time than not lately, I have been sad when things end as I am afraid that it won't be that way again.  I enjoyed so much spending the day with both our mothers, our children and my cousin Tammy. I wasn't ready for them to leave.  Sometimes in life I wish that I could suspend time, just linger there for a little longer, the happy times, the ones that memories are made of, lives are formed around and roots and wings are given. 

As I am typing, tears are streaming down my cheeks as my heart is so full of happiness, fond memories and the sheer joy of knowing beyond the shadow of a doubt that I am LOVED.  I now have permanent smile lines, which I am completely fine with.  I am reminded of something Jennifer Garner said,

“Beauty comes from a life well lived. If you've lived well, your smile lines are in the right places, and your frown lines aren't too bad, what more do you need?”

 

 



That's the smile...